Brain Dump

Sexual Dysfunction

2009-01-28T14:18:00.001-08:00

For those of you who enjoyed Snoop's version....this one is suprisingly funnier....

Sexual Dysfunction (Snoop Spoof) -- powered by Cracked.com

A Jennifer Love-Hewitt Post For My Husband

2009-01-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

Well, Jennifer Love-Hewitt is flying solo again. Yeah, whodathunkit? I'm sure my hubby is glad that Jen's funbags are gonna be single now, but too bad...you married me and are stuck with me. LOL

A source close to Jen says:

They broke up over the holidays and have ended their engagement," says a source close to the couple. "They're both really sad about this. Even their friends are surprised; they seemed really happy. Everyone just wants the best for both of them.

The Magic Negro

2009-01-05T08:12:00.001-08:00

Check out the news scroll at the bottom of the newscast.... I wonder who is getting fired for the magic negro comment. LMAO

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WTF?? Um...WTF???

2008-12-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

I have no words for this video...you must simply watch.

Let Me Smell Yo Dick

2008-12-18T13:14:00.000-08:00

I have no idea who these beeotchs are, but they have some good ghetto advice for all you women left at home while your boy is out doing some tranny looking white girl...when he gets home...SMELL HIS DICK. Yes...um, apparently the fact that you even had the thought of SMELLING his dick in the first place might be reason enough to leave him has completely missed these chicks. First off, if you think he is cheating...he probably is. If you think smelling his dick is going to make you feel better...well, have at it. Personally I don't think the sent of a sweaty nut sack is all that yummy so I'm gonna pass on the dick smelling and stick with trusting my husband.

On an off note, does this fat dudes t-shirt remind anyone else of Tide detergent? Just me? Ok...never mind.

Riskay Feat Aviance & Real - Smell Yo Dick [NEW]
by PeteRock

Monica Bellucci Bathes Her Breasts

2008-12-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

There are alot of things in life that I love to watch... sunsets, puppy dogs playing in a meadow, Monica Bellucci bathing her boobies in water and lemon juice. Yesh...there are some things in life that are better than others.

Visit Taxi Driver Movie to watch the video!

Yes, The crazy looking dog is mine...

2008-12-16T12:20:00.000-08:00

Yes, that dog in need of an exorcist is my bundle of joy... LOL

moar funny pictures

Why Is Pete Wentz Such A Douche?

2008-12-10T10:20:00.000-08:00

I have no news article for this...just that I think Pete Wentz is a douche bag wannabe. I rue the day I actually saw his wang (sometimes I really hate what you can find on the net)...I so don't want that fowl thing in my memories. Douche bag icky icky.

The Gayest Video Ever

2008-12-10T05:42:00.000-08:00

This is probably the gayest video I've ever seen at that's saying something since I've a penchant for watching Dead or Alive videos and vids by that transvestite dude from the Dixie Midnight Runners.

Is it just me or does the guy in this thing look like some geeky accounting major who decided to go on the "pick up artist" and got some Nelson-like make over that really doesn't quite hide his nerdiness?

All My Children Male Thongage?

2008-12-09T12:50:00.000-08:00

I don't watch All My Children...I don't watch any soap opera, but um...some say this dude named "Ryan" on the show is wearing a thong...some say its just his shirt that got stuck. What I have to say is...whatever it was...why didn't they just RESHOOT the damn scene? Talk about low show standards...oh wait, I forgot, this is a soap opera. My bad.

This Is Why I Hate Celebrity Photos

2008-12-09T12:22:00.000-08:00

You'd think with all the celebrity photos I post that I'm in gaga love with the idea of them...well, I guess we all are to a certaine extent, but when I see touch-ups to body size it just pisses me off royally. As a woman who has suffered from body dysmorphia I find this type of retouching horrid. I was a size 4...yes, size 4 (and i'm 5'9") and I was too embarrased about my body to dress anything that showed my shape. I thought I was fat...I wonder why? not so hard to wonder when you see photos like these. Stuff like this should be banned. You want a zit gone? Ok, but dont change the shape of someone or enhance their tits digitially. Newspapers aren't allowed to do this. You know why? It's dishonest...

I admit it, I'm a Gossip Girl Fiend

2008-12-09T09:45:00.001-08:00

I know its a guilty pleasure, but I cant help it. I love me some Gossip Girl...and I am in pseudo lust with Ed Westwick. Yes, I will eat that there cherry pie!

Jizzed in my pants

2008-12-07T18:03:00.001-08:00

I have got to say...this is the funniest thing I've seen in a looooong time.

Oh No She Didn't!

2008-12-01T11:16:00.000-08:00

Oh yes she did. WTF? Did Geri Halliwell think underwear was optional when wearing a sheer dress? Is she trying to get arrested? Guess where this Einstein wore the dress....(drumroll) The British Academy Children's Awards in London. yes...CHILDREN. I'm sure little joey now understands the term "the carpet matches the drapes".

Madonna Does Her Best Oscar The Grouch Impersonation

2008-11-20T11:06:00.000-08:00

It is clear that I don't like Mandonna. It's clear why I hate her as well. 1. she is a really ugly man who is living as a really ugly woman. In my opinion there is enough ugliness in the world without her having to add to it. 2. She is snooty in a really trashy sort of holier than thou eat my organic shit sort of way. 3. She's ugly.

So...why does she have to taunt me further with wearing dresses like these? WHY? I mean, WHO wears astro turf? WHO!!!!!????!!!!

Skatboard FAIL!!!!

2008-11-19T11:34:00.000-08:00

OUCH!!!

Did You Know Polar Bears Think Doggies Are Play Toys?

2008-11-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

Just found this video of Polar bears having a good old time playing with dogs. Has got to be some of the cutest footage ever.

Kitty Can Haz Super Stealth!

2008-11-18T07:51:00.000-08:00

I nearly choked on my jawbreaker when I saw this one...

Quite Possibly The Greatest Commerical Ever...

2008-11-17T06:20:00.001-08:00

I love dogs...

Seperated At Birth?

2008-11-14T12:18:00.000-08:00

What Can I say...James Hetfield so is the Cowardly Lion
Source

Amy Winehouse Is Bat Shit Crazy

2008-11-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I keep posting photos of Amy Winehouse. I mean...it's sad. Like...sad that she went from...well, just mildly cracked out to complete crack ho eating their own poop sort of crazy. You know?

And I have to ask...WTF is up with her troll feet? This is the second photo I've seen where she is wearing those ballet shoes and her foot is curled down like some freak hawk talon. you know? Its just not sexy... Ok...so maybe her having sexy feet is moot at this point, but lord...why does she have to make it worse?

Your Friday Monica Bellucci Post

2008-11-14T05:42:00.000-08:00

Monica Bellucci, our resident goddess of fleshly delights, has been quoted as saying:
“I love the idea that when a man pays to see one of my films, he’s paying me to feel pleasure,” News of the World quoted her, as saying.

Monica admits that being in front of the camera makes her shed her inhibitions as quickly as her clothing.

“When I am acting, it’s like I’m in a trance.” She added, “You do things you would never do normally. You don’t feel cold — even if you are naked.”

I have to honestly say that I don't know if I could have gone on with my life if Monica had said she'd never get naked again. I mean...what would be the point? It'd be like eating your frosted flakes without milk... or your Wendy's frosty without the fries. Where is the fun in that?

For my yummy photos, head over to F-Listed

My Sappy Pussy Post Of The Day

2008-11-13T08:08:00.001-08:00

This had got to be the cutest kitten alive...

Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong...Seriously Wrong

2008-11-12T06:13:00.001-08:00

Hang Mioku, of Korea, apparently was so addicted to plastic surgery that she took to injecting...
...COOKING OIL into her damn face. Um...WTF? Take a gander at what she looked like before the addiction took hold. She was a hottie...seriously. The doctors who aided her (and there were many) should be shot...someone should have put her away looooong ago. Like...in cupboard...with a lock. The photo with split screen is one of Hang before her "reconstructive" surgery...and after. I'm not sure yet...but Ithink she is fugly in both...so I would have just left the face as is. At least before she just looked like a really fat person...afterwards she looks freakishly disfigured. ugh...

Holy Mary!! Someone Kill It!!

2008-11-11T12:34:00.000-08:00

I don't ask for much in life. I don't expect to have a perfect day or everything go my way. I do hope for days that are not full of photos of Amy Winehouse. I nearly lost my lunch when I saw these photos of her today. What in gawd's name is wrong with this girl? Since when did wearing hospital ID bracelets as fashion become cool? Never. She is insane...cracked out...or both. Yeah, mostly likely both. Whatever happen to the good old days when you were coked up or cracked out you still died being cool? Ok...so maybe that is a myth...but hey...can you take her Halloween mask off now? Its very nearly Thanksgiving and I wont be able to eat my turkey gizzards with her scaring me every time I surf the net for irrelevant news.

Oh, and P.S. Tell her to clean her frickin' nails already!

Harrison Ford Tries To Dance...Fails

2008-11-11T12:31:00.000-08:00

Men should age gracefully...and for the most part, Harrison Ford has been doing that rather well...that is, until I saw this photo of him at Prive nightclub in Las Vegas. His sexy meter just went down about 6 or 7 notches.

Rebecca Romijn Looks...Scary

2008-11-11T05:44:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or does Rebecca Romijn look faintly like some demon taken Satan baby bearing vessel? Don't get me wrong, she is still hot...in a very scary "rosemary's baby" sort of way. WTF is up with her eyes? Did she chew the peyote before the shoot?

Mischa Barton WTF?

2008-11-10T13:47:00.001-08:00

I beseech you unruly stars of ill fated fashion choices. Invest in mirrors...invest in stylists who don't offer to wipe your ass with their tongues. Why in gawd's name is Mischa wearing a freakin' feather duster??

Joe Scarborough Drops the F-Bomb on Live TV

2008-11-10T11:32:00.001-08:00

I Just Puked In My Mouth A Little...

2008-11-07T08:22:00.000-08:00

This is just freakin' wrong. If this woman wasn't exploiting her massive ass, I'd feel sorry for her. I think she suffers from Lymphoedema (see inset photo for example), I could be wrong, but I THINK she does...no one has an ass that big and lives to tell the tale....

Ok, One More Monica Bellucci Post

2008-11-07T06:38:00.001-08:00

Just for the Hell of it, here are the latest images of Monica Bellucci in the latest issue of Italian GQ. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again....why does she have to be so damned beautiful? It's painful. *sigh*

Mr. Skin's Top 5 Monica Bellucci Nude Scenes

2008-11-07T06:06:00.000-08:00

It is time again for our worship of Brain Dump's resident Goddess, Monica Bellucci. Mr Skin has put together a top 5 countdown of her all time best nude scenes. It it worth viewing solely for the fact that you can ogle her bouncy bits! Click here for the video goodness

WTF Was Beyonce Thinking?!

2008-11-07T05:55:00.000-08:00

I just found this pic of Beyonce at the MTV Europe Music Awards...um...WTF IS SHE WEARING??? I'd be screaming like that if someone caught me in that tin man costume. Again, I have to ask...where the hell were her handlers? She has a stylist right (her mom doesn't count)? This isn't effing style...this is dog crap. Wait no, this is worse than dog crap. This is kitty skitters.

In case any of you wanted to see this contraption in motion...

Polish Music Videos Are Naughty

2008-11-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

I found this video of Polish wannabe singer Danuta Lato today on Dlisted. My first thought upon seeing it was "OMG, they just showed her massive tits". My second thought was "My husband would probably like watching this". So I'm posting it for mass pleasure.

She apparently had some music hit in the 1980's, hence the music video seen here. Did anyone else know it was okay to show mondo titties in music videos in Poland?

Your Helpful Facial Hair Guide

2008-11-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

I love facial hair. My very own husband has some of the best facial hair around. What I don't like is facial hair that is unkept or just plain fugly. How will you know what constitutes bad facial hair? Here are some easy rules to follow

1. The Porntasche - You don't want this hairy piece of work adorning your upper lip. When is it okay to actually have a porntasche....well, maybe only if you really do work in porn...and even then your female fans will hate you.

2. The Mutton Chops - Unless you are trying out for a part to play the next Wolverine, then don't have these. I hate these. Men who wear these damn things look like their face is covered in so much skin oil that their beards would leave grease marks on your lapels. Its horrid and nasty.

3. The I Just Don't Give A Shi'ite Beard - Sometimes this look can work (see Russell Crowe). In most cases this look will have people wondering if you're alcoholic, suicidal, or both.

Zac Efron is SO freakin' gay!

2008-11-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

I don't hate gay people. I applaud them. My cousin is gay, and trust me...it isn't an easy road to plow (pun intended). What I hate are these quasi straight guys (see photo inset of Zac "I want king sized wiener in my ass" Efron) prancing around Hollywood with their beards (see photo of Efron's Girlfriend "beard" Vanessa Hudgens here) acting like they are cool with the poon when we ALL know they are lusting for the peen.
You cannot be THAT groomed as a man and still want your tube steak smothered in fish sauce. It isn't possible. Being that groomed means you haven't seen a vagina since birth...and it's by choice. I'm not saying he is ugly. No...he is handsome in a really disturbing 1950's mannequin sort of gay way. Dude...he needs to man up. If he IS straight...he needs to drop wearing the make-up. No one has skin as perfect as that...the maybelline just has to stop.

If you want to do the "metro" thing, try takinga que from our resident sexy metro male, Ed Westwick... You cant go wrong with a smug grin, slightly rumpled suit...and a 5 o'clock shadow. While the slightly gay haircut might keep us guessing on your sexual preference, the rest of your get up sends "sex me up" signals and usually our X chromosones will respond accordingly and we will worship your hairy nads.

When Stupid People Do Stupid (funny) Things

2008-11-03T07:31:00.000-08:00

When I Grow Up...

2008-10-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

...I do NOT want to look like Pamela Anderson... Well, at least she has a built in Halloween Costume, right?

WTF Happened to Boy George???

2008-10-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

I know Boy George has always had a...er..."unusual" look...but come on...WTF happened here? Where did his effing chin go? Is he ill? If he is ill, I'm sorry. Truly, I am. If he is healthy...WTF happened to his effing chin?

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T10:38:00.001-07:00

Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year!!
I hope all of you get oodles of candy and take part in all the naughtiness you can tonight!

The Most Pedophilic Doll Ever

2008-10-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I saw this video of a doll that sells overseas that pees. No biggie, right? Wrong. This doll's penis raises, yes...I said raise...and then pees. It's as if the doll gets and erection and then...well, you get the idea. To make the commericial even more uncomfortable, the doll ends up peeing on the fathers face....yeah... Check out the second video for the funnier version.

This Is Just Wrong

2008-10-30T12:40:00.000-07:00

http://view.break.com/596146 - Watch more free videos

If Obama had picked this cat as his running mate

2008-10-30T09:16:00.003-07:00

...perhaps I'd consider voting for him...

Dean Martin Still King of Cool

2008-10-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't a news post about some long forget yet still juicey piece of gossip about Dean Martin. I just got in the mood for his tunes today and my senses were washed with his coolness. Why is no one as cool and suave as he anymore? The closest thing we have is Michael Buble and lets be honest, he just isn't Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra. Don't get me wrong, I like Michael...but he lacks the inherit coolness of those men from yesteryear who did what they wanted and didn't give a damn who watched. ...and (besides my husband) Dean is one of the only smokers who makes the act of huffing tobacco smoke look cool...

Your Monica Bellucci Photos Of The Day

2008-10-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, its another about her holiness, the patron saint of female hotness, Monica Bellucci. She is seen here at a recent movie opening...but I failed to get the titled as I was mesmerized by her big ta tas and lip gloss laden pout. Soooooo not fair that she got all the mega hotness genes and I didn't. *sigh*

Jen Aniston and Gerard Butler?

2008-10-28T06:42:00.001-07:00

I keep hearing crap that Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are making bump uglies together. Ok Ok...so I just really wanted to report on this boring piece of gossip so I could post this image of Gerard. I hear he's a pretty big man whore...and by big I hope they mean sizable...heh heh.

Christina Aguilera Needs a New Look

2008-10-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

I'm all for creative crap. Hell, I'm an artist...I've been known to smear some black stripes on my face and prance around like the undead.
I keep seeing images of Christina Aguilera looking vaguely female. I say this because it's hard to tell if it is really her or a tranny pretending to BE her. Nothing wrong with performance art, more power to her...he...er...you know what I mean.

I saw this frame of Xtina from her new video "Keeps Gettin' Better"...Ok...she's gone too far. She is the stuf of tranny infested nightmares now.

When Women Get Bored

2008-10-27T08:56:00.001-07:00

There are some things that my mother sends via email that really make me laugh...this is one of them...

WTF IS THAT?!!!!!

2008-10-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

I found this photo over at Dlisted. All I have to say is...WTF is THAT in the background? I'm seriously sleeping with the lights on tonight.

Edison Chen Sex Scandal

2008-10-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

There are few gossip bits that make me rub my hands together in glee, but this is one of them. Edison Chen (seen far left in the photo) apparently has a sex tape with some of the biggest stars in Hong Kong Cinema. Who? Well, Gillian Cheung (GASP!), Cecilia Cheung, and I've even heard talk that there could be images of Carina Lau (I always new she wasn't good enough for Tony Leung CW!).
So what do the images show?

well, in one someone resembling Gillian Cheung has her knocker hanging out of her bikini top and her legs spread. In another photos Edison goes down on her.
Yet Another photo shows someone looking like Bobo Chan (Chen's EX) going down on HIM (I'd like to see that one).
Lastly, someone looking like Cecilia Cheung posing nude in a bathroom with another person.

While this may be standard fare for American stars, HK stars are not to quick to pull a Paris Hilton. Edison Chen was in Boston when this hit and released this statement:

yes i have been silent and everyone thinks i am hiding but today there will be a press release and i hope u can all read from that and report the TRUTH and do some homework before trying to ruin someone’s life, cuz that is exactly whut u are all doing to me putting false statements on the FRONT PAGE sex photo scandal ever of newspapers and to others as well

Some reports have come in that Gillian Cheung has attempted suicide due to this scandal. Edison has reportedly has quit showbiz and released THIS statement:

I am deeply sorry... I admit most of the photos being circulated on the Internet were taken by me. I would like to apologize to all the ladies and to all their families for any harm or hurt that they have been feeling. I'm sorry... Most importantly, I would like to say sorry to all the people in Hong Kong. I give my apologies sincerely to you all, unreservedly and with my heart. These photos were very private... They were never intended to be shown to anyone. They were stolen from me and distributed without my consent. I know young people in Hong Kong look up to many figures in our society... I've failed as a role model. However I wish that this matter will teach everyone a lesson... To all the young people in our community, let this be a lesson for you all. This is not an example to be set for you. During my time away, I've made an important decision. I will wholeheartedly fulfil all commitments that I have to date. But, after that, I’ve decided to step away from the Hong Kong entertainment industry. I've decided to do this to give myself an opportunity to heal myself and to search my soul... I will be away from Hong Kong entertainment indefinitely. There is no time frame. I have been assisting the police since the first day the photos were published, and I will continue to assist them. After this press con, I have obligations to help them with their investigation... I hope all of you will accept my apology and give me a chance.

Ok, first off...its just a little cooch and weiner. It's not like he sacrificed any babies to satan!

Phoebe Price is the Anti-Christ

2008-10-22T07:24:00.000-07:00

I've seen way too many photos of this "woman" and I still have no idea why she is famous...clearly she is the anti-christ. *note to the anti-christ: if you want to pass yourself off as a redhead, stay out the sun...the huge freckles are just icky*

Guy Ritchie Reacts to Divorce and No Sex

2008-10-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

Guy Ritchie (seen here getting boozed up for his 40th Bday bash) looks to be pretty damn happy to not have to cuddle up to he-she Mandonna any longer. Word is that Mandonna was so obsessed with working out her cadaverous body that she had no time for sex. Would you go 18 months with no sex? Ok Ok...would you go 18 month with no sex if your wife wasn't Mandonna?

Madonna Cries Abuse!

2008-10-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

Mandonna (no I didn't mispell that, we all know she is a man) is claiming that Guy Ritchie emotionally and physically abused her. Of course, I don't condone any abuse of any kind (to the wife OR husband)...but lets me honest...SOMEONE had to have beat the bitch with an ugly stick.

I Hate Jenna Jamison

2008-10-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is another, "I hate this effing skank, why is she pregnant and not me" post. Jenna Jamison is more plastic than flesh, how the hell did she have an egg that wasn't sunny side up already? Aren't STDs supposed to make you infertile? grrrrrr

NASA Ice Ice Baby

2008-10-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

First off, my bro works for NASA and has a brain the size of Jupiter. It's so large is pulsates with the knowledge we mere humans are not ready to understand.

That being said, he also has a kick ass sense of humor. He sent me this link to a youtube video created by some co-op students who work there at JSC.

Tara Reid Has A Raisin Butt

2008-10-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

We all have days when we look in the mirror and say Holy Fuck! My body looks like THAT!> I often dream what it would be like to have a band of handlers to make sure my ass cleavage is covered and no boogers were stuck to the tip of my nose, so it's with great shock that I see photos like this of a star where their ass looks like that shriveled up mummy lady (see Below). Did NO ONE think to tell her that maybe a pair of shorts would be good? Moreover, did no one tell her to use some of her cash to buy a new ass? Come on, I know what it's like to have a flabby no good ass...if I had money I'd buy a new one.

Palin For President

2008-10-20T06:21:00.001-07:00

Saturday Night Live proved to be pretty damn funny...and well, Palin was suprisingly at ease in front of the cameras. Gotta love it.

Katie Holmes Hearts Scientology

2008-10-17T10:16:00.001-07:00

I used to like Katie Holmes before she started letting that asshole Tom Cruise bone her...then turn her into a Scientology whore. Now I hate her even more because she wore this hideous outfit to the Broadway premiere of her show All My Sons . Dude, what the hell? Is she trying out for the Redux of Golden Girls?? Has anyone else noticed that since she's been with Scientology's annoited one she has started dressing like an old woman on a cruise? WTF?

On a more humrous note, the other photos are of the anti-Scientology group Anonymous. They showed up at the premiere touting signs designed to break Katie out of her zombie trance. Sadly, the police pushed them down the street but onlookers say you could still hear their shouts as Katie hobbled in on her cane.

Did I mention I hate Tom Cruise?

Proof That Cats Are Evil

2008-10-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I'm a dog lover. Cats hate me...they attack me...and thus I dont like cats all that much. Don't get me wrong, I dont want them roasted on a spicket over a fire...but I keep my distance from them if I can.
It's also no secret that I'm an insomniac. So when I see a time lapsed video of hour cats NEVER freakin' sleep and make you toss and turn all night...well, its just another chalk mark on the the side of the board that says "Cats are evil".

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Note To Britney: Don't Forget To Shave Yer Pits

2008-10-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

We all forget to shave our pits now and again, but let's be honest. If we had a band of "handlers" making sure our asses didn't stink, no boogers were in our nose, and we had panties on you'd think they'd remember to tell Britney Spears to shave her damn armpits!

Jennifer Love Hewitt Almost Topless

2008-10-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

This is a completely gratuitous post showing Jennifer Love Hewitt's nips almost making a daring escape from her dress. This is as close as you are going to get to ever seeing her knockers Steve (Steve would be my husband for those of you not in the know)

Madonna is a Man... Mandonna?

2008-10-15T12:53:00.001-07:00

There are some things that women should do gracefully...one of them is to age. If you refuse to do it gracefully you end up looking like Madonna. I know she works her ass off for that body...but if I saw her on the street I'd plead with her to stop. It's HORRID.

Is being manly the new fad? I'd like to say no..but then I saw this image of Madonna's upper lip.

La Pequeña Sarah Palin

2008-10-15T10:42:00.000-07:00

This shit is supposed to be funny but it weirds me the frick out...

Why You Shouldn't Get Butt Implants

2008-10-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

http://view.break.com/409510 - Watch more free videos

WTF Were They Thinking?!!

2008-10-14T11:49:00.001-07:00

While reading Famous Plastic today, I came across these freakish twins. Seriously, WTF is up with that dudes chin? Their cheeks? WTF were they thinking? Visit Famous Plastic to read more about them.

I Hate Diet Coke's New Bottle Caps

2008-10-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

I know some of you will think this is retarded, but I cant hold my tongue any longer. Diet Coke is a huge part of my life. It sits on a hallowed shrine right next to my Korean BBQ. I drink so much of the stuff that I actually have a callus on my right hand from opening the bottles. Yes, I realize I have a problem...but I'm happy with my addiction so don't go scheduling an intervention cuz I will not being going into rehab.
Back to my point, has anyone noticed that they've changed the bottle caps? I spend almost as much time trying to put the damn caps back on the bottles as I do drinking the stuff. It pisses me off multiple times per day...so you know what I did? I complained. This is what I got back:

Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company, Ms. P-. We sincerely appreciate your candid feedback regarding our packaging.
We apologize for any inconvenience experienced with our packaging. When evaluating a package, we consider many factors. Most important are those relating to safety and to the environment.
As a consumer-oriented Company, we're challenged to appeal to as many consumers in our vast target market as possible. Your constructive criticism helps us know when we're not successful in accomplishing this difficult task.
Your feedback is very important to us, and we have shared your comments with our Packaging Department. Should you have additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact us again.
Greg
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company

In other words they don't give a shit. Seriously, if I could kick the Diet Coke habit I would...I'd switch to Diet Pepsi if I thought I could handle the horrid taste. At least THEIR bottle caps weren't designed by 'tards.

Don't Make An Ass Outta Yerself

2008-10-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

I've got a big ass, I know it. I also know how to camoflauge it so that the rest of humanity doesn't have to suffer at the expense of my lardness. Now I'm not saying Serena Williams is a lard ass. I know she isn't...but lord girl...warn us before you go out to the beach with a bikini bottom on!

My biggest beef with her (no pun intended) is that she looks so manly...as in too buff. I'm all for being in shape, but when you've got ovaries you should probably stop working out when you start to grow your very own adam's apple. ...I'm just sayin'...

WTF were they thinking?

2008-10-14T05:59:00.001-07:00

This blog being new and all I figure I should explain this post before I go any further. "WTF were they thinking" is a common phrase that pops into my head when I see "celebrities" in what they like to call "clothing" but really constitutes stylized vomit. Seriously, they have stylists...WTF?

This is Natalie Bassingthwaighte, the host of the Aussie version of "So, You Think You Can Dance?". Seriously people, WTF is up with her choice of foot wear? It looks like she wrapped her legs in black shoe laces and slapped on some sandal heels. WTF was she thinking? Honestly.

Tara Reid is Retarded

2008-10-14T05:17:00.001-07:00

I'll admit, there are times when I think people are a bit harsh when it comes to the intelligence of Tara Reid. I mean, 95% of us have never met her...and she really couldn't be that dumb, right?

...wrong...

She was asked at an event the other day why she hadn't been in movies for some time. I know what you're thinking. She took time off to relax (and by relax I mean party and get really bad lipo). She um....well, claims the writer strike is keeping her out of the biz. You know, the writer's strike that ended months ago only Tara thinks its still on?

“I totally plan to go back into acting once the strike stops,” Reid told Pop Tarts last week at Eva Longoria-Parker’s Padres Contra El Cancer’s 8th Annual “El Sueno De Esperanza” benefit gala in Hollywood. “The economy is so bad right now that people are afraid to put money back into acting. Even the shows that seem new, they really shot six months ago. So when it’s all back up again, I will go back into it. That’s my heart.”

Yeah...um...poor Tara. I think she forgot to get back on the Short Bus after the party.

Keira Knightley Tits Are A Let Down

2008-10-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

I'll be the first female in the room to admit when someone has great tits (see Monica Bellucci), but when I saw Keira Knightley's decidely unsexy knockers I was...well...she didn't raise my flag...even to half mast.

I'll admit, I like the skinny girls (with the acception of the goddess Monica Bellucci). What I don't like are moobs with nipples so large they'll poke your eyes when you go in for a closer look.

On another note....to be fair, since i already showed some boobs (or in this case moobs) Did you

ever wonder what James Bond's weiner looked like? Ok, me either, but I'm sure someone has...

Mother's Cookies No More!

2008-10-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Remember those horrid animal cracker cookies covered in some form of lard based frosting? Well, your kids wont remember them because the company is going under.

My mom eats these on a regular basis, which makes their name rather ironic for me. Mother's has filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and the plants in Ohio and Canada are going the way of black holes (meaning they'll suck the economic life out of the surrounding towns--*did you see my geek joke there? I'm good*)

I'm not sure if I'm going to tell my mom about this because I can see her running out and buying 50 bags of these horrid things.

I Wish Her Yoga Kept Her Infertile

2008-10-13T07:45:00.001-07:00

I know this shouldn't piss me off...no...yes it should. This skank is apparently knocked up again. First off, if any of you should wonder, any bitch getting pregnant is going to piss me off. Why? Cuz I'm have a mutha fucka of a time getting knocked up and all these human rejects have to do is fart on a dick and they end up pregnant.

These are just rumors being passed off as fact, as always...but she already pushed out one brat...and she IS a Spears...so she probably is pregnant again.

Ugh, I hate her. *pout*

Hong Kong Memories and Narcotic Dreams

2008-10-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

Occasionally I remember the days when I used to run multiple websites dedicated the drivel (i.e. Gossip) coming out of the Hong Kong cinema scene and I end up weeping like a baby when you take away its binkie.
I dedicated thousands of hours to building and promoting these sites and what do I have to show for it today? Nothing. I did a random search today looking for the old sister sites that I would hunt thru to pilfer news to pass off as my own. You know what I found? Nothing. I couldn't even find one of them still up and running. Even Tony Leung Chiu Wai's "largest non official site" is no longer owned and run by the same gal. It's since lost its original flavor, and hence I stopped visiting.
I miss those days. The days in which I spent 7 odd hours of my employers time building my site rather than doing the collections work I was hired for. I don't even know if the HK crowd ever forgave Ekin for cheating on his GF or if Nic Tse is still banging Ms. Robinson (i.e. Faye Wong). These things are some 10 years old...and I just feel old now.
So...I'm blogging now...or again...because thats all my old site really used to be. Well any news site back then was really a blog before we had blog sites. We'd create hastily patched together HTML and post the news (er...gossip) items as fast as we could. It didn't matter that 90% of us were stealing from the same HK news source. The real goal was to see who could post their stolen news fastest. On those rare mornings when I posted them first I would bask in the sweet nectar of triumph...and then promptly try to do it all over again.

So, the question must be asked...why am I doing this again? Easy...I'm not in the mood to work any more (or very much at the very least) so I'm posting this blog whilst I should be billing Medicare. Oh the joys of being a slacker...